Anyway, this is the entry promised long ago. I hadn't written it because mostly the influence of the situation had waned. Today it hit back, so I'm writing before it dissipates again.
Psychology classes are bad. It makes me look at myself and my actions through the lens that the particular class is providing. And usually, that lens is a bit dirty, and I come out looking not so fantastic.
In short, I'm high in power motivation. In this context, that means I am minorly jealous of my friendships and in particular, my best-friendships. Recently, one of my best friends has found a young lady he wants to persue.
It's been insane at times. He has a tendency to posess a "singular obsession about that which he loves." And I feel like my world is having to revolve around this young lady as well. I enjoy that he divulges everything to me. I absolutely love that he brings his concerns to me that he's mulling over. I just wish that he would think about other things every now and then and bring them to me. It's as if this woman has consumed him completely already, and as such, has consumed my friendship with him. I'm so incredibly happy for him, and I hope soooo much that it all works out exactly how he wants it. But I hope that he remains in it.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, trying to decide if my thoughts are unfounded, or founded only in jealousy. I think they're justified. If you disagree, please let me know.
This issue with the young lady has actually gotten significantly better since the first entry I had intended to write. But there's something else as well. And this really is mostly founded in jealousy, and even though I think it's stupid, I can't seem to shake it. It seems as if one of my good friends is trying to take away some of my other relationships.
I don't think it's intentional. I really think that it stems from this friend's tendency to not think about other people's interpretation of situations or their desires. For instance, I've just acquainted this friend and a particular group that I work with. If I were going to go work on something with this group of friends I would say, "Hey, [insert name] I'm going to go help out with this thing, wanna come?" I would ask that even if I knew that my friend couldn't come. It's courtesy. It demonstrates that you want them there. This friend seems to try to keep me away at times. "Welp, be back later." "Where you going?" "Oh, to go help [blank] with a few things. I'll be back later."
It's very frustrating to feel pushed out of your own circle. I used to be the one these people went to when they needed help with a project, now it feels I'm purposefully excluded at times. Bagh, perhaps I need to look at it a different way. I can't think of a satisfactory way to close up this part of the entry, so I'll just move on.
Valentine's Day was yesterday, and it was wonderful. I intend to talk about it here, but I've already spent too much time on this entry and I need to study. Tomorrow then. And a friendship part 3.
~Boof