A year ago this week, I was off in some corner of the United States installing a sound system for Ford Audio Video. Every day I would come home and fret about my travel visa showing up on time. I was making plans to leave the country. I was making plans to leave my girlfriend for far too long. I was making plans...
That's what this year held for me. Plans. Tons and tons of planning. The most amazing thing though is that those things I spent so much time planning rarely ever went how they were supposed to. But always with fantastic results!
I spent the first half of this school year in Voronezh, Russia. Very alone. I left a very weak person. My weakness nearly crushed me when I arrived. I thought I had so much figured out, I "knew" the language. I "knew" the people. I "knew" what it would be like to be off on my own. I had no idea. I learned very quickly...I knew nothing.
That trip absolutely changed who I am. I hate to admit that I was that malleable, but it did. I left someone who upheld a facade of security and strength, and returned someone who had seen it. I spoke a completely different language for 4 months. I was mugged for the first time. I fell deeply in love with multinationalism. I went to a party where 9 different languages were spoken and I was the only English speaker. I baked German cookies. I nearly took a bath in Vodka. I dealt with a Russian Alzheimer's patient as a mother. I was separated from my darling for 4 months. I took a 24 hour train ride. I traveled more than halfway around the GLOBE.
I returned, and my experiences were not all that had changed. I absolutely had a paradigm shift about nearly everything in my life. I know what it is to be without direct support - so I will fight to give it to everyone who needs it. I know what it is like to be without expressable love - so I will fight to express it. I know the ills and pains caused by shelteredness and closed-mindedness - I will fight to broaden horizons.
I spent the second half of this year honing those ideas and practices. First on my list was love. I couldn't bear being without the woman I adore for any longer, and we became engaged to be married. In less than a year she will finally be my bride. Second was to really LIVE life; to provide friendship and support. This last semester I did only what was good. I fought loosing battles against the president of my university because I fought for the right. I pursued learning because it fills me with a sense of wonder at the world. I dove into relationships and supported others through theirs. In the last few months, I have made a second set of friendships that are intense and lasting. You people know who you are, and I can't thank you enough for the frienship you have shown me. I look forward to the next year with you very much.
Not all is sunshine and roses. I have had my share of battles. But each one of the very difficult things that I have faced or created this year has only helped to mold me into a better man.
I long for the day when I look back on this state of myself and think how foolish I was.
In all honesty, I am terrified of the next year. It is my last year of certainty. It took me 3 to really figure this part of my life out...now it draws to a swift conclusion. I want to drag my feet. I want to bring this whole spinning whirlwind to a halt and float in this amazing world I have found myself in. Next summer flies towards me, and it's much like my trip to Russia. It's full of the most amazing and exciting things life has to offer. Marriage! A Career for my bride and me! Moving to New York City! But the best laid plans of mice and men... So much uncertainty. The only thing I can do is face it with the certainty that I have love. I have friends and family who support me in every situation. Most of all, I have the right. I have my bride. I know that what I am doing is the best there is!
That's my lesson from this year. Bitterness fades. Face every single situation with optimism and strength. Not the middle school optimism that nothing is ever bad. The wise optimism that there really is some little thing good in every problematic action. Deep in the core, perhaps 30 years from now, there will be something good. Absolutely straining and fighting to find and pull out that goodness is the only way I have found to be happy with all the insanity life has to offer.
I've never been happier. Ever.